My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
