Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
