pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
