To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize