I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
