My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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