Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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