The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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