I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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