You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
