Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
