Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
