He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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