Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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