It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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