I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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