did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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