I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
