there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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