I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
