Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
