I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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