Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize