I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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