i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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