He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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