i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
