it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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