I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
