Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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