i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
