why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
