Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
