If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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