You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
