He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
