I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
