I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
