She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
