take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
