Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
