I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
