Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
