So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
