I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
