I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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