dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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