I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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