I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
