I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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