my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
