Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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