Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
