I think I died a long time ago.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
