hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
