Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
