actually, I'm a sock model
If that was your dad, he is hot
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
