you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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