I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
