you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
