There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
