I bet he comes in French.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize